Inherently they don't, and given it's average intelligence a dead amoeba could run a half decent service better than the muppets at Arriva, LNER or Wakefield Met

There are many people who work and govern the railway system in this country who are conscientious. efficient and eager to promote the comfort and satisfaction of passengers, -passengers on whom their jobs depend. Passengers who have schedules to keep and feelings to respect. It is unfortunate that these pleasant members of staff are so noticeable. The driver who starts his messages with 'This is your captain speaking', the guard who says "Don't worry. that's OK, you're only going to the next stop." I want to shake the hands of these people and say well done. I only wish that these good people were the ones who run the railway system. Unfortunately it seems they are not...

My son and I travelled to Wakefield every week to go to his music lesson. We did this for a year during the school terms. occasionally taking the car. but more often taking my bike to Featherstone train station. catching the train the nine miles to Wakefield and cycling to the music lesson. Out of the thirty times we took the train. twice the return train was cancelled. This was highly inconvenient for us as individuals as, because we had a bike, we were unable to avail ourselves of the taxis provided by the railway company. We were therefore delayed by an hour or longer, or had to cycle all the way back. despite having purchased tickets. There is a deeper problem with these incidents than our delay. that being the safety aspect of what occurred coupled with the cost and inconvenience to all concerned.

The reason one train didn't run was that one of the doors wasn't opening. There are eight doors on the trains, and one wasn't opening, so they stopped the train. On asking the guard why that should stop the train he quipped 'Health and Safety'. Now forgive me for thinking but the way I understand it is in this country it is approximately four times safer to travel by train as by car. Not only that but trains kill very few non-passengers, yet cars account for thousands of non user death every year.

So.. Because one door in eight doesn't open. the unfortunate (and unwilling) passengers are put into fifteen taxis, quadrupling their chance of injury and death. providing a menace to everybody along their routes. and disenchanting them so much that some of them are driven to saying they'll never use the railways again. Sorry. fourteen taxis. My six year old son and I are still left at Wakefield Westgate literally begging to be given a measly cup of tea which comes in a polystyrene cup and tastes like cat's piss.

I haven't finished on this yet. On another occasion the train was cancelled because the heating wasn't working. I'd had experience of train cancellations from Westgate, so I was quicker to talk to every single passenger. Each one said they would rather spend the ten minute journey on the 'cold' train then be shepherded into taxis. They actually spent more time outside, in the cold waiting for the taxis to arrive, then some of them would hove taken to get home on the train!

Stupidly I decided to take one of my children to Wakefield from Pontefract Tanshelf. The splendid tannoy system announced our train would be arriving and everything was hunky dory. Apart from the train not coming. The stupid company put in stupid tannoys which sound stupid and give pointless. and misleading, stupid announcements.

Everything being equally stupid. I got in my car (Which would have been more sensible in the first place), And went to Wakefield Westgate to complain. Of course the station manager accepted no responsibility whatsoever, so, dissatisfied, I made my way to pick up my daughter.

-"Where are you going?" I was asked - The fat bastard was actually trying to prevent me from picking up my daughter. My lovely three year old Julia who I had ensconced in the first class waiting room.

Why are the railways so non user friendly? The simple expedient of allowing people to cross railway lines at track level at some stations would make huge savings in footbridge/subway building and maintenance, but more importantly improve access and convenience to many users. As far as I can see the bridge at Monkhill is a deterrent to anybody with a bike. pram or pushchair alighting from Leeds, and is physically impossible for a wheelchair to negotiate. At Woodlesford the track crossing is simple. convenient and safe, (and the dead bodies only need scraping off the tracks fortnightly).

Woe betide the poor parent who attempts to take a pushchair to Leeds Station. Only a few years ago the stepped subways there were replaced at enormous expense with.. Stepped subways. I have not timed how long it takes for to collar a member of staff to take one via the elevators, but I would guess that a person boarding and alighting at platform nine would take at least twenty minutes out of their day and ten minutes of staff time if they used the elevators. Why couldn't a ramp have been installed during the restructuring? Why at least can't a small portion of the steps be 'filled in' to provide a steep but smooth egress for wheeled users?

Silly me! I thought taking my daughters to Bolton Abbey on the bike and trains would have been a good idea. We had a flat tyre returning to Ilkley but I suppose there was nothing I could do about that. On arriving at Leeds I asked for the Pontefract train and was directed to the middle platform to catch the train to Wakefield and change for Monkhill. I duly carried my bike and two girls underneath the famous stepped subway and emerged to see an Inter-City express.

I know the rules governing bike travel on these things (Only two bikes on the train. must be booked in advance. three quid per journey), but it was late, my journey on this train was short, there was enough space in the guard's van to pole vault, there were only two people in the first two carriages and I had, after all, been directed to this train from the other side of the station. I asked if I could put my bike on.

"No."

I said "it's a pushchair, please let me get my Kids home."

"No.".

I consider myself a kind. thoughtful, loving person,. undiplomatic sometimes. unintentionally threatening maybe. but not bad. This time, however, I flipped and insulted the female guard and her male counterpart. I used epithets and threats I regret. but for God's sake. I only wanted to put my bike in an empty guard's van for seven minutes. It wouldn't have hurt anybody and could have greatly helped me and my family. I volunteered to pay. "No". I then said "hang it" (or words to that effect) and put my bike and two kids on the train anyway, in the compartment at the front. Nobody on the train could even see me.

The Station Manager, Chris Guy, arrived and told me to get off. The train was now delayed. The transport police arrived. After talking to me for a few minutes the cop got off the train and said to Mr Guy.

"You can get him off yourself. I can't do anything about it".

The quick thinking Mr Guy then pointed out to the officer that I was standing at the end of a first class carriage and I only had a second class ticket. In retrospect I should have put my children in the bog and moved down to second class, or pointed out that Mr Guy was merely an employee of Regional Railways, and GNER was not his business, but in stressful situations people often behave neither logically or well. The cop, somewhat against his better judgement was forced to tell me to get off. I took my bike off. stood in front of Mr. Guy, said "You hold this" and helped it fall on him. I was handcuffed in front of my distressed children and taken away from them. The Inter-city express to London was delayed by eighteen minutes. I had bruises on my wrist for six months. For my heinous crime I was not charged and went home.

For once in my life I did the sensible thing. I didn't take the train into Leeds. Instead I drove my two nephews to the station there in order to put them on the train to London. We parked in the car park and got out to hear a commotion. A member of station staff was shouting "STOP THAT MAN".

'That man', inspired by the thrill of it all. was hotfooting it away from the station post haste. Without thinking I did as the member of staff requested. and gave chase. How I admired those valuable customers who so politely stepped aside to let us both through. I eventually caught the man. held him long enough for the transport police to arrive. He struck me and wriggled free. but he was soon apprehended.

I've included this précis of our fabulously comprehensive railway service to York for the benefit of anyone who seeks (and at the time of writing would fail) to find the name Pontefract on any Timetable at York Station. Don't be late for your return journey!!

Reading this you may think I use the trains a lot. This is not true. I probably average one return journey a month (Even I'm not naive enough to think a journey locally isn't anything other than a risky adventure with only limited chances of success and should therefore not be relied upon).

Monkhill station is occasionally my embarkation point, and at a rough guess I have parked my car there ten times. I was put off parking there after a train trip when my car's window was smashed, nevertheless, this Christmas, I took my Kids shopping to Leeds from Monkhill. I parked, and then parked again to be in site of the video surveillance camera. On returning to Monkhill I looked out of the train window and remarked to the Kids that at least my car hadn't been smashed into. It was inevitable wasn't it? On crossing the stupid footbridge, to my dismay I saw that my car and the two others there all had bricks through their windows. I reported the incidents immediately and waited at the site for 45 minutes watching the smashed-in cars. I had four kids, the police never came, it was cold, we went home dejected and angry.

As I drove I couldn't help musing over the incident when my family and I had just unwrapped fish and chips at the old, deserted, Burton Salmon station platform site. It is a favourite haunt of train watchers as the platform, set back forty yards from the track surveys a broad curve of four lines carrying frequent services between York and Sheffield and points beyond. It is more dangerous watching trains on telly.

As we shared our chips out we were impressed to see a police vehicle doing at least sixty down the road and over the bridge which runs the other side of the tracks there. Siren blaring and light flashing it doubled back towards us and screeched to a halt by us. We had been there for five minutes and I was threatened with arrest, told I was a bad parent and that my kids were in danger.

We took our chips and went and sat by the A1.

PS. On three subsequent visits to Monkhill station there has always been a pile of smashed glass on the car park. Are these places just kept in an untidy and dangerous condition, or is there a genuine failing on the part of the railway authorities to address a persistent problem and inform it's customers? To this day I haven't been informed. despite asking, as to the state of the Video surveillance during these incidents.

Ask me why I will continue to use trains.

Because they are safe. comfortable and efficient in terms of consumption and time. When I ride on a train I can talk to my family, read a paper or look at the view. I am unlikely to kill anybody and am safer myself. Because it is the right thing to do.

It is not just the right thing for me to do. It is, when faced with the car alternative, the right thing for everybody to do. I can't blame people who don't. In each of the incidents described above I can imagine how simple measures, be they an engineering solution, a logical interpretation of safety requirements, or just a smidgen of human understanding, could do so much to improve services.

There is no percentage in buck passing. Transport Police Railtrack, Regional Railways, GNER, Drivers, Guards and Managers are all inextricably bound, not only in the public's perception, but also by a common goal. to get bums on seats and keep them there.

The failure of any part of this system reflects badly on the whole set up. I could implore that people who are in charge of railways should love railways and people who work on, or with, railways should take as much responsibility as they dare in achieving their passengers' desires.

After all whoever heard of anybody losing their job for keeping the customer satisfied at no cost in efficiency?

That was not the end, naturally. It seems to be a never ending story

Further tales

Since regional railways were taken over by Arriva things have got worse. You may point the finger at me and say I get what I deserve. I don't think I do. I apologise and admit to my mistakes, and I don't get paid for it by the taxpayer. Nevertheless between September 2000 and the present day (December 2001) our train service has been in absolute tatters, which is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with the money grabbing, sometimes patronising, often unpleasant, inefficient and lazy staff and organisations of our railway companies. Make no mistake, services have been cancelled en bloc, leaving the people of Pontefract, Castleford and Knottingley absolutely in the dark about the provision of trains to and from Leeds. Railtrack shares have been suspended and the bastards who ran it still are not bothered about a decent service, being concerned only about the money which unfortunate shareholders have been duped into investing, despite the most obvious evidence that the entire service is shite.

I wanted the take my Kids and their Mum to Edinburgh for the weekend. I booked the tickets on line on the thursday. I then went to Leeds station in order that I might book two bikes on the train. That cost me £8 'cos I lost my ticket and had to buy another. But I booked the two bikes.

On the Saturday morning I dropped the family off outside the station at York, drove off to find a parking space in nether York, got my bike off the car and cycled back to the station. I arrived on the platform where my family were waiting and said “We could have left half an hour later “(We were on the platform at 8:00 AM for the 8:35 train.

The train arrived on time and I went to the front where I expected the guard's van to be. I was alongside the drive car when it came to rest.

“Other end” somebody shouted to me, so, without wasting any time I shot off down the platform.

Within a few seconds and three carriages from the rear of the train I said to the young lady station attendant who was holding the table tennis bats ready to set the train off, half jokingly, “Don't set it off without me!” I should have known. “You can't put that bike on we are setting off now” I quickly explained that I would be 15 seconds, I'd been there half an hour, my family were at the front of the train waiting for me, that I had reservations for two bikes and please. I sometimes think these tossers take pleasure in winding you up. I put the bike in the nearest carriage and said I would move it too the guards van at Newcastle.

For my second year at University it cost me £110 to buy a Fiat Panda, £100 tax, £200 insurance. It costs me £20 to fill it up (which I have done six times this term) and I take 45 minutes to do what was on average a 90 minute journey into Leeds, can come and go when I like, listen to the radio, go shopping, smell my own farts, and pedestrians and cyclists and stupid train users have to give way to me the vast majority of the time. I am less likely to have an accident in my total journey, and if I have one it is probably going to be far less serious. I can take my Kids to school and go fishing. So far I'm on £10 a journey to University (which puts all the recreational use down as free), which considering is eight pounds more than the train might not seem like good business. I get paid £25 an hour, and as the car saves me 90 minutes a day, just work it out.

Get a car. It's the best thing I've ever done in terms of addressing the efficiency of my personal transport. Be like the rail companies and the Government. Fuck the Environment and everybody else

22nd January 1999
Last Update : 30th December 2006